I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
