TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
