i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
