I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
