Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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