Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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