It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
