Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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