I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My penis needs a shock collar
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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