you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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