he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
