I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
