Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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