Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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