i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
