mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
