like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
