u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
