Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
