Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
