hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
