his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
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