Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
