god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
