so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
