You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
