Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Its about making memories worth repressing
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
