If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
