i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
two words: eviction party
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
