If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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