oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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