I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
