I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
