people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
