he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
