question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
