ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
