I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
