College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
