Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
