I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
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