I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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