but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
