I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
