we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
