i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
