you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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