how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
