so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
