a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
