i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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