we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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