cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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