lets start a swedish sibling band together
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
