listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
