i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
